Some thoughts…

December 18, 2014 § 2 Comments

This week, I have been feeling a little melancholy, and I’m not sure why.

I feel sort of a little submerged in some kind of non-specific despair. Like my head is surrounded by fog and I can’t quite see clearly through it. I only have clarity when I am making something, and in between I feel restless, like I’m loosing something, or something is wrong. I don’t know what.

I get this sometimes. Its got something to do with creativity I think. Like I know what I want to be doing, and need to be doing to progress my art, and so every minute I’m not doing it I’m holding myself back. This is troublesome as I can’t make art all the time, I have to work, earn money, cook, eat, have some kind of social life, and yet in all those times I feel distracted and not quite there. My mind is somewhere else. I’m afraid of loosing ideas I have. Or not doing them. Letting it slip and just letting the need to make money so I can live take over. That would be easy, and hard at the same time. Easy just to do some mindless kind of job full time and not struggle to make money out of art any more. But hard because if I did that then I fear I would be restless and distracted all the time, anything I did I would not be 100% there. I do not create art in order to make money. I do it because I must. I can’t stop myself, and if I can earn a living out of it then that is a plus.

I’m rambling and I didn’t mean to. I meant to write a post about making hats, but this came out instead. I suppose I will write about hats next, because I have been developing hat making skills and it is a prospect that I feel truly excited about. It is what all my new wool processing skills have been working towards. So yes, hats next.

For now though, that is all.

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§ 2 Responses to Some thoughts…

  • litzwired says:

    You are not alone in this feeling. For women artists there is always something that bars them from their process, namely all the things you listed plus the expectation of being a mother, a wife, a teacher, a worker, a giver, a vessel for others.

    I have struggled with what you are feeling for over 30 years now. An artist friend of mine, now 75 years old, just smiles and says your time will come….

    But I think the time is always now. So look at that troubling feeling, tuck it under your wings and know that there will always be baggage. It’s ok, fly anyway.

    • Natalie says:

      Thank you so much. I know its something that all creative people struggle with, I am using the feeling to push my work forwards at the moment because I know if I don’t then I will regret it!

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